


What’s This?

by reigningqueenofwords



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Mentions of self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 05:50:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18424167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reigningqueenofwords/pseuds/reigningqueenofwords
Summary: Request: Anonymous. Are requests open? If so one of Crowley having a little ‘boy toy’ and thinking all is well until he finds self harm cuts one morning…?





	What’s This?

**Author's Note:**

> Request: Anonymous. Are requests open? If so one of Crowley having a little ‘boy toy’ and thinking all is well until he finds self harm cuts one morning…?

“Well, hello there, pet.” Crowley smirked, walking into your room.

You looked up and grinned. “Hello, sir.” You replied, shifting to sit up.

Crowley stood not too far in the doorway. “I’ve come to tell you that I’ll be out on business for about a week.” Your heart sank. You’d been looking forward to time with Crowley for the past couple days. He always made you feel alive, wanted, and safe. Logic told you that he couldn’t always be there, but logic doesn’t always win, right?

“Alright. I hope you have a good business trip.” You told him.

He moved closer, smirking. “That doesn’t mean I don’t have time to spend right now. No one said I was leaving right this second.”

You felt your cheeks flush slightly.

“Sir!” There was a sharp knock on the door. “There’s an issue. It’s urgent.”

“Bloody hell.” He muttered, he thumb moving over your bottom lip gently before he kissed you. “Reign check, pet.” 

It had been a very long week. Everything seemed to be overwhelming you. It just sucked. It felt like the weight of the world was on you, and that nothing you did was good enough. The past day you’d locked yourself in your room, not wanting to deal with anyone, or anything. The silence was too loud, music made you feel like you were being suffocated, and just relaxing made your mind work over time. You couldn’t win.

Finally, that night you couldn’t take it anymore. You’d turned to the one thing that you learned took your pain away- even if it was temporary. If even for a moment, you felt relief. A feeling of calm, of having control. Damn the consequences. You’d be bombarded with the guilt, and the feelings of being ashamed while cleaning up, but that wouldn’t stop you from repeating it again in the future.

Your personal torture of choice was an exactoknife. Easy enough to explain why you had it, and worked well for what you wanted it for.

After you’d finished calming yourself, you sat on the bathroom floor, crying. You felt like a failure. It was a cruel, vicious cycle. You cut to feel the calm, to feel like you could do something right , even if that something was making yourself bleed, and to just let go. Then, you’d feel like you fucked up. You relapsed. You were stupid, and pathetic. You’d tell yourself you’d do better next time. You’d go longer this time. You’d finally beat this habit. You would do well for awhile, and then something would trigger it. Hell, there were a few times where you had no idea what caused the urge. That itch that had you rubbing your palm on your arm, your thigh, anywhere you’d previously felt the razor blade.

Taking a deep breath, you got up and cleaned. You’d become an expert at cleaning up blood. Your exactoknife was tucked away, all towels put in the bottom of your hamper, and then you wrapped gauze around your arm. Pulling on your hoodie, you went back to your room and crawled into bed, curled into a ball, hoping that this time would be the last time you gave in.

You hadn’t heard him come on. You knew that he had a key, so how he got in wasn’t a mystery. Rolling over in your sleep, you gave him a sleepy smile. “Hello, pet.” He smirked, his voice husky.

“Hello, sir.”

“I got in late last night. Thought I’d visit my pet. You were already sleeping, so I simply decided to wait for you.” He leaned forward, kissing you as his hand gripped your short Y/H/C hair, giving it a light tug. You moaned into his mouth, loving when he pulled your hair. Your hands moved to his chest to find it naked. “I wanted to be ready to take advantage of you.” He teased, making you hard. He moved so he was straddling you, his hands moving your shirt up.

You panicked, now remembering the night before. Crowley would be upset if he saw them, but there was no hiding them. You did your best to grip your sleeves, but failed. You rolled your hips up slightly, making him moan. You hoped to distract him enough that he’d want to simply pull your pants down.

Crowley growled at you, his eyes blazing for you. Next thing you knew, your hoodie was pulled off, making your heart race. His face fell, and your eyes watered. “What’s this, pet?” He asked, moving off of you. His fingers gently traced your work from the previous night. “What happened?” His voice was soft, and low.

Sighing, you sat up. “I fell back into an old habit. Addiction. Whatever you want to call it.” You whispered.

He was leaning on his elbow, watching you. “You did that to _yourself_?”

You nodded. “Yeah. Last night.” You were afraid that he’d be angry, that he would call you stupid. That’s what you were used to. Being called names, teased, ridiculed for how you coped.

You were surprised, however, when he took your arm in his hand. He gently kissed each one, barely even touching your skin. You watched him with tear filled eyes. “I’m sorry you felt compelled to harm yourself.” He told you. “I wish I had been here for you.” Never had anyone been so kind about it. “It bothers me that someone as amazing as you were driven to such lengths.” His eyes met yours. “We’ll work through this. Together. You’re not alone in this. If you ever need me. No matter where I am, call me. I want you to have someone to lean on.”

“Really?” You asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Has no one ever been there for you?”

You shook your head. “No-Not for this.”

He reached out, his thumb stroking your cheek. “That stops _now_. I’m here.” Crowley pulled you into a passionate kiss, giving you hope.


End file.
